How to: Say No When Someone Asks You To ‘Grab Coffee Sometime’

Grabbing a coffee can be a great way to network. However, not all coffee meetings are created equal and accepting every coffee that comes your way can be incredibly time-consuming (and energy-draining). So what can you do when you get your next “grab coffee sometime” email when you just aren’t feeling it!

If you aren’t immediately jumping to say yes you are probably filing these emails in your “later” folder. Which might sound like a good idea at the time until you realise that it is simply out of control, you have too many emails, too many coffee requests and you are struggling with the guilt of saying no.

Here are some alternative, but simple, ideas:

#1. Ask them to provide you with something before you have coffee with them.

Make them work for their coffee meeting with you. Choose an appropriate level of work for the type of meeting/contact, but giving them something to do first will weed out anyone who isn’t willing to put in the work themselves. For example, you might ask them to send you a summary of a report or to write up a proposal.

It will also make sure that you have all the necessary information to hand before the meeting and make it more productive.

#2. Before accepting the coffee meeting ask follow up questions or clarification via email – does it have to be a coffee?

This is more for in-person coffees (rather than virtual coffees) but if you are being asked to meet someone in person make sure it needs to be an in-person coffee or meet-up rather than virtually. Check if a virtual or more time-efficient alternative catch up would suit. Can it be sorted by email?

#3. Invite People to group meetings instead

Depending on the type of people you get requests from (and what they want to talk about) you might find that having smaller group meetings might work well for you. You can just group meetings or make introductions to help reduce awkward conversations and the total number of meetings you are having.

#4. Have a drop-in or Open Hour Meeting

An alternative to hosting group meetings might be to have a recurring open meeting slot that you can invite “grab a coffee sometime” people to and they can drop by (if in person) or login (if online) and have a chat. If you need more time you can always follow up with a proper one-to-one coffee another time.

#5: Set a time limit

If you don’t want to say no but have limited time you can always set a strict time limit to your meeting. Make it a virtual meeting (or if in person, make them come to you) and limit the time you can offer and specify how long you can give them.

If you want to make sure you stick to it, schedule another meeting after it.

#6: Postpone

Be realistic at the outset. if you genuinely don’t have time at the moment just say so. There’s nothing wrong with pushing it to a month from now because of a packed schedule. It is better to book it in when you actually have time than try and pack it in and needing to cancel.

#7. Just Say No.

Sometimes you get requests and it is clear that you have no alternative. You are just going to have to say no. If this is the case there is no point in putting it off. Just tell them straight – just tell them no politely. This is more likely to be for people who you do not know (not known contacts/relationships).